Ok, not for me, but for a younger friend of mine who asks me for advice. Because of the differences in our ages, I usually have plenty to give her when she asks, but in this case, I don't know what to tell her. Here's the situation:
She's practically living with her boyfriend of 2 years who doesn't want to commit to anything, not even the idea of marriage, because he likes things the way they are and doesn't think he's ready, but he treats her well. He's 28 and makes over 100,00o per year. She's 25 and graduating from college in June. She wants to get married and have children. Her thinking is that she doesn't want to waste time by staying in a relationship with a guy who may never want to get married; on the other hand, she has friends who gave their boyfriends ultimatums and they're married with children now. My friend is the consummate romantic. She hates the idea of an ultimatum because (1) if she has to do that, maybe he doesn't love her like he should and (2) its completely unromantic. However, her other friends have advised her that some guys are never ready unless they get a push in the right direction. If she came to you, would you tell her to break it off, wait, or give him a push?
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9 years ago
2 comments:
I've heard this story too many times. I have so many reactions to this I don't even know where to start.
It sounds like he draws near to her with his lips (etc.) but his heart is far from commitment. Being non-commital in a relationship is a very unromantic, selfish, cowardly and stupid act. Aside from having sex, do they even have a relationship?
I'm dubious.
I'll bet she would say they did, but, of course, from his prospective: why would he want to marry her? He already has what he wants. A live-in girlfriend (which means sex when he wants) and ZERO responsibility.
If your friend isn't happy with the status quo then she needs to do something about it.
I would say it's important for her to get what she needs out of her life- If she already knows that she can either wait him out (and ruin the relationship slowly and painfully) or she can take the plunge and tell him what she wants and hope he ponies up (the quick end if he doen't bite the bait) Then it really comes down to the Bandaid situation--- rip it quick or rip it slow? If he actually does love her- the quick rip will give him the push to at least talk about future plans. If not- well, better a quick rip eh?
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