Sunday Feelings

This morning in sacrament meeting I realized that today is the last fast Sunday of 2006; I wanted to stand today and express my gratitude for the blessings of this past year, but so did many others. The time ran out before I could get up, in fact, the meeting went over because of so many, but it was good. Occasionally during fast and testimony meeting, I remember a friend of mine who once said that she often procrastinates the formal bearing of her testimony because she's waiting for something profound to say. Finally, she realized that there is nothing more profound than something as real and simple as the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don’t know, and how much more I want to know. But in the spaces between, when I’m unsure, or lonely, or frustrated, I take a step back and rediscover the fundamentals; those are what I return to and hold on to, what sustain me when I’ve taken a wrong turn, and strenghthen me when I'm on the right path for me.

The world was not created on a dare. I know Jesus Christ lives, that he knows each of us by name, that he and our Father in Heaven love us beyond our ability to comprehend. I’m especially grateful for the principle of repentance, which allows us to change, to become more of our real selves, to rise to the essence of who we truly are; I’m grateful for the principle of forgiveness, which frees our souls of the burdens of resentment toward others, including self-recrimination for foolish choices; and that of faith, which reminds me that there is a God and I’m not it, nor am I expected to have all the answers. I’m also profoundly thankful for the knowledge of life after death, one that I know from having had many experiences with those who have passed on. I’m grateful for God’s “tender mercies” that allow me to feel his love for me through others. These are the things I hold on to when everything else is confusion, drudgery or darkness. What else is there? What does any of this life matter if there isn’t a life beyond? if family relationships don’t endure beyond the grave? if we can’t be with those we love and those who love us? My family means everything to me: my children including Austin, my beautiful grandsons, Larry Dayley, my dear in-laws, my sisters and brothers, their spouses, my parents, my amazing nieces and nephews on both sides—how I love each of you! Thank you for the things you’ve taught me, for your examples, your ethics, your tender hearts. Because of you, I can do this.