That Sweet Little Voice

Ok, two more phone messages. Can't resist transcribing them. In the first one, Chantel's voice is in the background. Then last week, Owen left a message all by himself. He was a little confused about getting voice mail at first, but oh, I could live on his little voice and all that love!!

Jan 28:
Hi Grammy! I, I love you. I'm so 'cited about you visiting me in the summer, hum, um, we have a little froggy, uh, hum, uuuuh, fabric, right here (Chantel laughing 'say goodbye') And I have a shooter pen (ok, say goodbye) and bye, bye. I love you, Grammy, love, the Calders--Owen."

Feb 23
"Um, I love you. I'm happy about you coming again in the summer. 'Member when we went the George Washington? It was kinda fun but we was really tired, um, I love you Grammy, I love you Grammy, Mommy loves you too. I gotta new starfish from Michael's that Mama bought me from savings four dollars, four, I can do math too. I love you Grammy, Bye bye!"

To Gloria, because she gets it; she gets me.

Every woman should have a special Glo in her life. I do, and she's one of my great blessings. I have a special love for older people and I think it's because I've always had an older woman as a mentor and friend. When I was younger, it was Theresa McFarland. She was 70 and I was 18 when we met. We went visiting teaching together and oh, the things I learned from her about faith, and perserverance, and dealing with adversity. She died some years ago and I look forward to seeing her again someday.

Now I'm not as young as I once was, but I'm still blessed to have a wonderful friend, older, wise, funny, compassionate. We can talk about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING and we do. There isn't a subject I bring up that she doesn't understand or have an interest in. Sometimes we don't even need words! Just a look between us and we're both laughing! She is a comfort and a source of encouragement and hope. Sometimes I feel like she's my sister. Other times my mother. But always, my good friend. And I know that I add to her life as well. We had a role reversal not long ago where I spouted some wisdom (born of experience--the best kind) and she listened and acted. Her problem resolved shortly thereafter. Isn't it amazing sometimes, the way people's paths cross and the things we learn from one another? I bless the day we met and I appreciate her influence in my life. I love you my Glo-friend!

How do you explain Coincidence?

Can't stand that I haven't posted for so long, at least, it feels long to me. Maybe part of that is because I've been working long shifts in Rossmoor with Evelyn, up to 84 hours at a stretch, and I don't have internet access there. For those of you who don't know, I do elder care on a part-time basis and my current job is with an 88-year-old. Tonight I thought I'd tell you that, although I 'm especially enjoying an anthropology class at Mills, I do not agree with the professor's personal opinions regarding the effectiveness of direct prayer, and indirect prayer (where others pray for someone who doesn't know he's being prayed for). But in relation to this current job, here's what happened:

I took a look at my finances one day, Whoa!! Too much debt. I made a decision to get out of debt. I prayed about it. I said, "Please help me to increase my income..." THE NEXT DAY my friend called and offered me this job. Coincidence? Maybe, but there's more. Because later I went on a wonderful trip to Baltimore, I didn't work for three weeks. No work, no money. When I came home I took a look at my finances again. Whoa! Some progress, but not a lot. I prayed again, "Please help me to earn EXTRA money, so I can get out of debt before I leave for grad school..." THE NEXT DAY my friend called and offered me more hours. Recently, I took another look. Some progress, good, but will I achieve my goal by summer's end? I prayed about it some more. "Thank you for blessing me with this good job and for helping me do well in school. I think I could work some more without jeopardizing my studies. Please help me find more work." THE NEXT DAY my friend called again. She's burning out. Would I like to pick up an extra day? Yes, but the only day I have available is Monday. Great. That's the day she's looking to give up....So...what do you think? Coincidence? or Not?

Revelation

The whole encounter lasted less than a minute. I had just dropped off some medical forms when I saw a young woman with long blond hair and nondescript clothings softly crying, sitting across the room, waiting for her appointment with a psychologist. Her face was entirely wet from tears. She clutched a soggy tissue in one hand and made no attempt to hide her sorrow; couldn’t actually, I’m sure. I felt a little tug at my heart, but what could I do? I left the waiting room and walked to the elevator. I reached for the down arrow, but stopped just short of pushing it. I couldn't just leave, pretend I hadn't seen her, forget who I am now. I turned and walked back in. The woman looked up when she saw me and began sobbing harder. I walked over and touched her knee. She cried harder. I waited. “It will be ok, whatever it is, I promise,” I said quietly, so as not to draw attention to her from the other patients. She looked up at me with intense green eyes and a face full of pain, as though her very life depended upon my every word. “Don’t give up” I said. She nodded and sobbed out a “Thankyou.”

As I took the elevator down to the ground floor and walked across the parking lot, my own eyes filled with tears. It had rained all night and the morning sky was still gray and overcast. So much sorrow in this world! In the car, I thought about the woman all the way to Mills. I don’t know why she was so grief stricken and I wondered: A broken heart? Betrayal? A dead or dying child? Divorce? But does it really matter what the source of our pain is?

These past months, knowing I’d be writing memoir for my senior project, I’ve been agonizing over the purpose of writing such a difficult story as ours has been. Other than my own obvious need to find a place for those experiences, I've been thinking: Who will read them? And why will they care? My professor has been pushing me to find a thesis and determine who my audience will be.

“Don’t give up” I had said to the woman. There were times when I wanted to, no doubt, but I didn’t, and that is probably the single most important decision I've made which gave me back my life. I think I just found my thesis.

Squinchy Face Genes?

The idea for this post came from Brandon who thinks Soren's picture (below) looks like one of his, or reminded him of it anyway. Definitely something similar in the squinchy face expressions:

Soren 2007

Brandon 1977

Brandon 1979

Chantel 1981

Happy Birthday Soren

Darling Chunky Monkey,
How I wish I could be with you on your very first birthday. I miss holding you and feeling those sweet kisses. Happy birthday, Sweetheart. You are precious and Grammy loves you more than words can say.

I wrote this Feb 3, 2006, 11:30 pm

Oh, sleep celestial state divine
tranquil rest refreshing
refrain from lingering this one time
Please grant this dear sought blessing

When daylight gently cracks the night
paints morning dawn with wonder
the baby born, the world so right--
Oh sun! Oh clouds! Oh thunder!

Then hear my gratitude, delight--
familial love expanded
The newborn soon within my sight
I pray this wish be granted

Cotton shades of tender blue
will swaddle sweetest joy
Owen's happy declaration:
Grammy, he's a boy!